Monday, October 31, 2005

Publishing and Paolo the Pool Boy

I had a friend email me the other day and ask for the lowdown on how this whole book publishing thing works. Since I wrote it all out for her, I thought I might as well post it up here for any others who may be interested. Here goes.

Step 1: You have a genius idea. It's going to be the next Da Vinci Code.

Step 2: You write a two-page outline and send it to uber-agent.

Step 3: Uber-agent loves it! Thinks it is the next Da Vinci Code. Immediately contacts publishers.

Step 4: All publishers love it! Think it is the next Da Vinci Code. (Dan Brown's publisher is scared of your greatness).

Step 5: Bidding war ensues over your idea. Finally, you settle for a million dollar offer from Uber-Publisher.

Step 6: You write book. It flows out of you like fine wine - brilliant, utterly brilliant!

Step 7: You get an AMAZING cover. Oprah interviews you. Dan Brown sobs that he wishes he'd written your book. He becomes so desolate that he needs theraphy. You lend him a shoulder to cry on.

Step 8: You become filthy rich and marry a buff pool boy named Paolo (or if you are male, a sexy cabaret girl named Tiffany). You are only twenty-five.

Step 9: You are made a U.N. Goodwill Ambassador and tour the world with Bono and Angelina Jolie.

Step 10: You wake up from the coma you fell into after receiving your 277th rejection, which said your brilliant idea was 'Da Vinci Code as written by a lobotomized rabbit on heroin', and realize that the past ten years have been a figment of your comatose brain.

Step 11: You ask doctor to put you back in coma as you were about to discover the cure for cancer and win the Nobel Prize.


Marilyn said...

So THAT'S how it works. I like all but the last step. I think I'll skip it. **gg**

Nalini Singh said...

Lol Marilyn. (But you're going to have to find your own pool boy. Paolo is mine *g*)