Monday, August 17, 2009

Australian Humor

A friend sent me a forward with the note that these questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website, and that the responses are answers by the officials. Here are some of them!

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK )

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not....oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Courtney said...

That's awesome! LOLOLOLOL

Cora said...

That's great!! LOL....

Maybe I should travel to Australian... ;-)

MicheleKS said...

You ought to see the questions we Texans get about our state. Like does everyone have a horse and wear a cowboy hat and things like that. Though I love the bit about hippo racing.

azteclady said...

On the one, all the answers are hilarious. On the other, I can just imagine how strained the poor officials patience must be, that they are answering like this.

Alaine said...

LMAO, yep that sounds like us! We have a wicked sense of humour!

orannia said...


That reminds me... My mother was a travel consultant. She was often asked (no kidding) about driving over the harbour bridge from Auckland to Sydney. Both cities have a harbour bridge... :)

Bridget Locke said...

Oy. I can so relate to the people answering the questions. It truly boggles the mind how stupid people can be. *shakes head*

Ang from Oz said...

Seriously that made my day. And I definately get the Aussie Humor!! We aren't all that bad tho, really (grin) :)

Midnight said...

LMOA ... awesome. my fave is the hippo racing. clothes, no service ... heheheheheheh


Dana said...

It's a same I'm too scared to travel to Australia--it sounds like the humor is right up my alley!

Unknown said...

Haha, knew that already but it was really funny again. come naked...I like this sense of humor.

Darcy Jo said...

I'm down for some naked hippo racing! This is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Blodeuedd said...

Lol, loving those

Natasha said...

LOL! Excellent answers! :D

Pissenlit said...

Absolutely brilliant. :)

Una said...

Oh my, that is so awesomely funny! I love people with such a sarcastic wit! I have always wanted to go to Australia...this cinches it! Of course, just imagine how many times they've answered those questions that they are now at the point of being silly!

@Anonymous, thanks for the additional laughs. Great way to start a Monday at work!

Shaymless Aymless said...

LMAO! (wipes tears) Drop-bears! *giggle*

Yeah the questions about Californians is great too. We're either blond with boob jobs and driving around in red convertibles or hippies.

Una said...

Don't forget Aymless, that all us Californians live by the beach and surf too! Ha, the entire State of California is surrounded by ocean!

Estella said...

Too funny!

Tiona said...

LOL! Who couldnt' laugh at this. Talk about rapier wit! Gotta visit Australia!

Shaymless Aymless said...

Una: I could I have forgotten that! But then I'm near Berkeley so we all smoke that funny weed so maybe that was the cause. ^_~

Bridget Locke said...

*SNICKER* Anonymous's add-ons were priceless.

My favorites are Americans perceptions of Oregon...which is also in America. lol. Hello, we're right between California and Washington State (Seattle).

One of my penpals asked me once how I could be on the computer since I live in Oregon. I had to laugh because we're one of the biggest techy states. Bill Gates lives right across the river.

*shakes head*

Anonymous said...

There is always the drop bear!

I am a bookseller in Aus, and let me tell you I have received some doozies, sigh.
Mostly from the US..

Jess McAlister said...

I have been asked about Kangaroo's hopping down the street by a yankee

When I told a Pommie that I lived in the countryside he said, "oh! but i thought most of Australia had no electricity" - I politely said that was true 100 yrs ago and my computer doenst run on petrol (he logged off the game we were playing suddenly - dont ask me why)

and the cruelest thing I've ever done is tell a tourist that Vegemite was sweet.

Jess McAlister said...

PS - For those that dont know, Kingscross is an area in Sydney which has a bit of a shady reputation if you catch my drift.

Christina said...

Una and Aymless-- I've come across those misconceptions too! I stayed in Kansas (gah) for awhile and discovered that everyone believes Californians are all Vegan. Now I'm in New England, missing sunny California.

Iliahna said...

Hello you. Here this is my favorite joke:) There I come from Germany, and had to translate this joke first of all, I hope, nevertheless, that he is still as amusing.

After every flight pilots fill a form on which they inform the mechanics about problems which have appeared during the flight, and which require a repair or a correction. The mechanics inform as a countermove on the lower part of the form the pilots about the fact which measures they have taken in each case, before the airplane starts again.
Here some discomfort and problems which were submitted really thus by pilots of the airline QANTAS. In addition the respective answer comment of the mechanics. By the way, Quantas is the only big Airline with which there never was a fall.

P: Tyre must be almost renewed inside on the left.
S: Tyre almost renews inside on the left.

P: Test flight OK, landing with autopilot very hard.
S: Landing with autopilot does not instal with this airplane type.
P: In the cockpit something is loose.
S: We have fixed something in the cockpit again.

P: Dead beetles on the disc.
S: Living beetles in the remains of delivery.

P: The autopilot leads in spite of setting on "height keep" to a descent of 200 fpm.
S: Unfortunately, we cannot understand this problem on the ground.

P: Tip to leaking place on the right side.
S: Tip remotely.

P: DME is unbelievable loudly.
S: DME on more plausible volume opposed.

P: IFF does not function.
S: IFF never functions if it is switched off.

P: Suppose jump in the disc.
S: Suppose you are right.

P: Impulse 3 is absent.
S: Impulse 3 after short search in the right wing found.

P: Airplane flies funnily.
S: Airplane admonishes, to be serious and to fly decently.

P: Aim radar hums.
S: Aim radar programs anew, so that it speaks now in words.

P: Mouse in the cockpit.
S: Cat instal.


P.S. My user's name on the Internet was always Iliahna:) Not only since Dorians history

Tiffany M. said...

Thank you! ^^ I needed a laugh.

LoriZ said...

love it.LMAO!!!